And the clouds came rolling in.

I had the worst anxiety attack of my life yesterday. I use to get them when I was little, and I was on medication for about a year. I couldn't sleep over people houses, or be with a crowd of people I didn't know. I couldn't be in really tall buildings, or be outside when it was night time. I was put on medication when I was about 8. But being a child, and rambunctious, I didn't want to have to take a pill every morning, or feel any different from my friends. I was only on 20mg anyway, so I stopped taking them when I was about 9. I would get little rushes of panic attacks, but nothing more than a normal person would get in the situation I was in. I truly thought I grew out of my anxiety. I really thought that to be true when I found out my dad had cancer. Even with all that new stress coming all at once, I didn't get a panic attack. But, life proved me wrong.
This has just been a rough, rough month. Everything is piling up, and everyone expects me to be the smart one, the achiever, the nice one, the reliable one.
Anyway, last night I was cooking for the recital. I didn't want recital to be tomorrow, I already had a headache, stressed about finals, I was afraid I was going to mess up, I didn't feel like I had my shit together, I had projects,my sister's a bitch, and just life. I could feel my face getting cold, and I was spacing out. I was taking shorter breaths and my ears were wooshing.
" let the dog out" My mom says as she turns around "Lisa are you going to faint?"
"Uhh..... no"
"Cry?"
"no"
"what's wrong"
"alright, I thought I was going to pass out"
"Sit down. Now."
At first my mom thought I was dehydrated, and I did too. I haven't been drinking enough water and it's hot outside. But, this feeling came back to me that I hadn't had since I was 8. I got cold sweats, I felt like I was too small for my skin. Like my skin was more like a blanket, and I could shift under it. The veins in my neck were sore. I couldn't breathe. Even though I could feel myself taking in air, and my lungs expanding it felt like all the air was gone. When I get an anxiety attack I feel like I'm both experiencing everything and detached at the same time.I felt like I was getting thrown off a cliff and at the same time nothing was happening.
"Mom, I think I'm having an anxiety attack".
It lasted from 7 at night until 11:30 non stop. It was horrible, but I tried to under play it so my mom wouldn't take me to the emergency room. I did everything. I only thought about little things. I wouldn't let myself think about the future, or the past. Only this minute. I breathed in a box for 4 1/2 hours. In for 4, out for 4. I sipped water. I laid on my back, with the fan over me. I didn't drink any caffeine, have any sugar, or watch anything too stimulating.
It was horrible. I felt like I was that little 8 year old girl again. Hyperventilating because she doesn't know where her parents are.